Everyone says 'co-regulate, be their calm'. But when he's screaming inches from my face calling me the worst mum in the world, my own nervous system is on fire. HOW do you actually stay regulated in the moment? Genuine question.
6 replies
Dr_mum_ot
12 May 2026
You don't always, and that's ok. But the practical bit: drop your voice and slow it RIGHT down, unclench your jaw, exhale longer than you inhale. Your calm body leads before your calm words. And step away if you're flooding — leaving to regulate isn't abandoning.
Michelle K
13 May 2026
Mantra in my head: 'this is his pain talking, not the truth.' The 'worst mum' line is the overwhelm, not a verdict. Helps me not take the bait.
Liam B
13 May 2026
I literally say out loud 'I'm going to take 3 breaths' — models it AND buys me the 3 breaths. Doesn't always work but it interrupts my own spiral.
coffee_and_chaos
13 May 2026
Permission to not be a zen monk: sometimes 'calm' just means 'didn't make it worse'. Surviving it without escalating IS regulating. You're doing better than you think.
Rachel F
14 May 2026
'Calm = didn't make it worse.' That just lowered the bar to something human. Thank you all, genuinely.
Anonymous
2 June 2026
Not sure how to handle this one really...
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