My husband thinks ADHD is just an excuse and that our son needs 'more discipline.' Every time I try a different approach — less punishment, more regulation support — he undermines it. We're fighting about parenting constantly. How do I get my partner to understand this is real?
4 replies
Dave T
13 March 2026
I WAS that partner. What changed my mind was attending the paediatrician appointment myself and hearing a medical professional explain the neuroscience. It's not about willpower or discipline — it's a brain development difference. Ask your husband to come to one appointment. Just one. Hearing it from a doctor is different from hearing it from a spouse.
Michelle K
13 March 2026
This is one of the hardest parts of ADHD parenting. Try this: ask your husband to try HIS approach (more discipline) for one week, and document the results. Then try your approach for one week. Let the evidence speak. Also — many resistant partners are dealing with their own undiagnosed ADHD or rigid upbringing. Compassion goes both ways.
Jen R
13 March 2026
My husband was the same. What helped: I stopped trying to convince him with words and started showing him research — short videos, not long articles. The 'How To ADHD' YouTube channel was a game changer. He watched one video and said 'wait, that's exactly what she does.' Door opened from there.
Lisa W
13 March 2026
Couples counselling with someone who understands ADHD. Not regular couples counselling — specifically someone who specialises in neurodivergent families. You need a professional translator between your two perspectives. This isn't just a parenting disagreement, it's a fundamental difference in understanding your child's brain.
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