My ADHD child takes up about 80% of my energy and attention. My other two kids are starting to resent it. My 12yo told me last week "you always put [sibling] first" and I broke down because... she's right. How do you balance the needs of a high-needs child with their siblings?
4 replies
Lisa W
27 February 2026
This is so real and so hard. One thing that helped: scheduled one-on-one time with each child. Even 20 minutes of undivided attention does wonders. My older child and I have a weekly "date" — even if it's just a walk around the block. It's not about quantity, it's about them knowing they matter too.
Dave T
27 February 2026
We also explain ADHD to the siblings in age-appropriate ways. Not as an excuse, but so they understand. My older boy (who doesn't have ADHD) actually became his brother's biggest supporter once he understood why his brain works differently.
Michelle K
27 February 2026
Also: validate your 12yo's feelings. She's not wrong. Saying "I hear you and I'm working on it" is so much better than getting defensive. Kids can handle the truth when it comes with love and effort.
Sarah M
28 February 2026
Thank you all. I had a chat with my 12yo and told her she was right, that I was going to try harder, and asked what she'd like for our one-on-one time. She said "can we just go get hot chocolate, just us?" So that's our thing now. Wednesday hot chocolates.
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